The hardest thing for men in that situation is to let it be history. That's rather ironic, given that women often complain about men compartmentalizing everything else. We just had a fight?
Unmistakable Signs of a Cheating Wife That Every Man Must Know
Let's have sex. We just had sex? Let's watch a movie. Why can't we compartmentalize the idea of our wives being unfaithful? Does that mean women are better at letting things go? True, says Weston, "some men think they can't fix it if a woman has been with another man. When it came to light, her husband was upset -- but then he looked at their sex life, his own rapid ejaculation and lack of foreplay and creativity in their time together.
It got a bunch of information on the table," she says, and the couple is still together. Most men would probably prefer to be woken up in a different fashion a clock radio is nice , but there's the rub: Sometimes it takes a shock to the system to get a man's attention.
But that presumes a lot. It presumes, first off, that the husband will keep a cool head. Extreme anger must be dealt with in counseling, which is also the best way to expel the stubborn images Epstein says his patients complain of. And guys are not that eager to talk about their relationship -- especially if they have to talk about her sleeping with someone else. In nearly 30 years of studying men and marriage, Nock has found that "a large majority of couples who cheat do not divorce.
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But it is a dramatic threat to this core basic assumption of marriage, which is that your wife is the one person you're supposed to be able to trust. Married people are different in this regard, Nock has found.
But that's never been true about married couples. Infidelity is a problem in divorce, but by people's own accounts, the cause usually has something to do with being incompatible or unable to communicate.
Your wife's infidelity can certainly be a symptom, or culmination, of those things -- nothing says, "our marriage is in trouble" like sleeping with someone else. But for a lot of couples it is just a reminder of how tenuous the matrimonial bond is. You may get a temporary sense of satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together.
Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay. But nobody else really understands what goes on in another person's marriage.
8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful
While you are pondering how you're going to proceed, it's best to keep the details private. You may have some physical reactions due to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems too little or too much , shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or overeating. Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some fun.
Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won't change anything and it's just wasted energy.
Try not to play the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity. It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself. This situation is between you and your partner and should not involve your children at all. Unless you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an affair will only cause them anxiety, make them feel stuck in the middle, and forced to take sides.
Don't try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it's wise to talk to a couple's counselor , who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened. You can ask your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool. An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling.
What to Do When Your Wife Cheats on You
If you decide to end the marriage, you 'll know that you tried your best to make it work. If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to the end of your marriage, give some thought to practical matters, such as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you want.
You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for STDs, and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair. Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn't always mean it's the end. As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life , together or apart, can begin. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. More in Relationships.